Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You took a bar mat shot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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