I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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