I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
