i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
