apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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