did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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