I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
