I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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