he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
