Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
