I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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