so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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