just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize