well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
