i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
