If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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