dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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