I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
