I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
