so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize