well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
