In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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