you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
