He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
