We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize