I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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