either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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