it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
