thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
