And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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