Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He passed out mid-signature
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
