i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
