i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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