In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
