He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
