I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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