I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
