My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
