yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Randomize
