Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
