shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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