You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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