I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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