Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
