I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
