i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
