i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
