Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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