I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
