Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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