bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i don't like sucking hair
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize