She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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