question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
