i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
