You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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