Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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