ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
