Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
