I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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