Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
