I wish I only lived at night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
