i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
