She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
