At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
