Is it because I queefed?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Two words: blizzard sex
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
