ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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