just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
