He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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