On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
