I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
